Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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