rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
