It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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