Ambien. No doubt about it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
