i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
