I want to have your abortion
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
