Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
