I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
