ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
