No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
