I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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