i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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