Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As shirtless as possible
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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