i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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