I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
