I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
