theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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