I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
from now on my penis is your penis
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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