We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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