how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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