Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
