Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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