i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
