im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
