Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
