I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
