No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
