Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
