That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a search helicopter?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
