so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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