I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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