ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
