Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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