I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
