I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My vagina just recognized that song.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
