well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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