The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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