She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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