he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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