I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
