Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
