Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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