pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
