i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
