i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
