my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
