i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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