I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think i have herpe
just one?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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