Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
