i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
