i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
