Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
