I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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