there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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