You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize