I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
