hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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