True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
