Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I checked into jail on foursquare
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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