Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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