I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
