I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
