I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
